Sex Issues FAQs: My girlfriend blames me for all her problems
My girlfriend blames me for all her problems
Question: Hi! I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for the last four years. But we have been facing some serious issues recently. I live in Germany and will be here for the next three years due to work. Our problem started when I could not give her enough time, which has made her believe that my behaviour towards her has changed. She is angry most of the time and talks to me very rudely. As a result of this, I too get angry and we end up fighting. Now she has been facing problems like anxiety and stress. She even blames me for this and says she cannot focus on her work because of me. She has told me to leave her alone for some time and I don’t know till when. She has even forbidden me from talking to her. We are planning to get married in three years after I return from Germany. Deep inside we both know that we need each other but because of this situation, we are not able to communicate right now. I am really stressed and I don’t know how to proceed. How can I support her? What changes should I make in myself to make her happy? How can I get her back? Your suggestions will be helpful. Thanks in advance. —By Anonymous
The State Expert :
You would certainly be finding it difficult to navigate through this situation you find yourself in. The biggest challenge facing you currently is the complete lack of communication. Moving forward is going to be impossible without any conversation taking place. Despite the fact that your girlfriend has asked you to not contact her, it is important that she know you keenly want to connect with her. This can happen by regularly sending her texts or emails or any other mode of communication and also asking someone to intervene on your behalf.
Perhaps you can ask a friend who is close to both of you to help mediate the situation given that you are in Germany and she is not close to you. Once some form of communication has been initiated it would be important that you develop a better understanding of her expectations. The reason for the current discord lies in the thwarting of her expectations about how things would be during this period of transition and staying apart from each other. You would need to give her a realistic understanding of how much you can connect and how you propose to do so and also ensure that you do maintain it.
