Why Worry: ‘I can’t live with my wife. I can’t leave her’
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I am married to a woman, with whom I share a young daughter. Over the last few years, she began to change into someone else (stopped working, stopped exercising and lost her independence completely). She changed from the woman I first married.
Today, 10 years later, I can’t bring myself to feel attracted to her no matter what I do, as a result I can’t be intimate with her. When we talk about it, it always becomes a fight. I am thinking about leaving, but I just don’t know what to do. Help
Soniyaa Kiran Punjabi
Answered by Soniyaa Kiran Punjabi, founder of Illuminations Well-Being Center, hypnotherapist, holistic wellness coach and corporate trainer.
Thank you for writing in.
One of the three ingredients that must still be available in order to make your relationship work is:
- Financial stability for you and your family,
- intimacy,
- communication.
If one of these three are present there is hope to make the relationship work.
Secondly, you must find a common factor that keeps you together. Let’s say for example, that whilst you do not share a preferred equation with your wife you understand the repercussions it will have on your young daughter. If both of you share the same values and believe that the best way forward for your daughter would be to stay together then you would need to meet halfway. This is finding a common factor.
Triggering bad memories
When you find a common factor, you can align your vision and values and come to a healthy understanding in order to behave, act and make decisions in the best interest of your daughter. However, sometimes a partner triggers emotional issues that are already deeply embedded within us from our own childhood and parents. It is always worth meeting a therapist to identify and address these emotional triggers as they will be present in any relationship if not addressed.
Where talking to someone may help
Finally, enrolling in couples counseling where you both share your feelings with a professional therapist who can help bridge the gap and provide a safe space for you to understand and communicate with each other from a neutral and objective perspective and come to a better decision.
Finally if all the above fails, then it is best to neutrally find a healthy way to communicate and operate in a way that would be least conflicting for your young daughter.
If you have questions that you would like answered by a mental health professional in the UAE, please write in to [email protected]. Also, please let us know if you’d rather stay anonymous.
Disclaimer: This blog is a conversation and is not an alternative for treatment. The recommendations and suggestions offered by our panel of doctors are their own and Gulf News will not take any responsibility for the advice they provide.
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