Sheridan Smith feared return of health battle ‘like bomb going off’ after baby

Telly and theatre darling Sheridan Smith has been keeping busy during lockdown – not only has she had a baby, she’s made a documentary about it, too.

The 39-year-old actress and her partner Jamie welcomed baby Billy at the height of the pandemic, but Sheridan’s biggest worry was that the mental health issues she experienced when her dad died back in 2016 could come back to haunt her in pregnancy or after the baby was born.

‘My dad died and I think things that I hadn’t dealt with caused the big explosion, mentally. It was like a bomb went off in my head,’ she says. ‘Now I feel like I’ve got a second chance at life.

‘It’s such a huge thing to have a baby. If you’ve had a mental health issue in the past, you worry it will rear its ugly head again. I would hate for the wheels to come off.’

Luckily, Sheridan is not just coping with the sleepless nights and nappy changes, she’s thriving.

How are you finding motherhood?

It’s the best feeling in the world! I mean, I’ve left it later in life but I think it’s probably the right thing. I wasn’t ready before I met Jamie and now I’ve got this little family and I just feel – I can’t explain it – like a contentment, a calm.

Maybe I was looking for something in the wrong places and now I feel like I’ve found it in this little boy.

How was your pregnancy?

I take my hat off to women everywhere. I did not realise what we are capable of doing – our bodies – I’m fascinated by it all. It’s incredible. I know it sounds stupid, but I’m in awe. I’ve grown a little person! If he cries, my body leaks milk – it’s amazing.

And what was it like having a baby in lockdown?

He was born in lockdown and we did the first seven weeks of his life in lockdown and we had no one else.

But it was a blessing in a way because you would normally lean on the grandparents and get help and because he came early and was so tiny, I think I would have just said, ‘Argh, everyone help me!’

But we had to get on with it and were thrown in at the deep end. And now he’s thriving and he’s like a real little chunky monkey.

You’ve been really honest about your mental health issues in this documentary…

I speak about things that I have never spoken about before – not even to my family and loved ones. There are things revealed that I had been too ashamed or embarrassed to say before, or I’d never felt it the right time to say.

But I thought, if I’m going on this journey for other women who feel like that, then I need to be completely honest about what’s happened in my life.

And your partner Jamie Horn has really helped you through…

Jamie has been just amazing. He’s been my rock through everything. It’s really since I met Jamie that I started on my road to recovery.

It’s also hard for him because if you don’t have experience of it, you have to learn quickly and he’s been reading up on mental health and knowing how to deal with someone who’s had those issues in the past.

He knows me better than I know myself now. He knows if I’m getting anxious. He can read me so well.

– Sheridan Smith: Becoming Mum is on Tuesday, September 1 at 9pm on ITV