Funny Thanksgiving Jokes for kids, adults, church and everyone
Keep ’em in your back pocket in case things get awkward.
Thanksgiving isn’t always the easiest holiday to get through with your family. So lighten any mood with these hysterical (and a little corny) Thanksgiving jokes. You’ll make even the crankiest of relatives smile with these hilarious puns and one-liners. The best part is they are all kid-friendly, so you don’t have to worry about getting side-eye looks from the adults at the table with these funny Thanksgiving quotes. Now all that’s left to do is pass the stuffing and try not to mess up the punchline.
Josh: Why did the farmer run a steamroller over his potato field on Thanksgiving Day?
Phil: Why?
Josh: He wanted to raise mashed potatoes.
Joke submitted by John W., Hoschton, Ga.
Comic by Scott Nickel
Pearl: What do you call a running turkey?
Ally: I haven’t the foggiest.
Pearl: Fast food!
Comic by Scott Nickel
Thanksgiving Jokes and puns
Biff: Why did the turkey cross the road?
Bob: I don’t know.
Biff: It was Thanksgiving Day, and he wanted people to think he was a chicken!
Joke submitted by Rachy Y., Waianae, Hawaii
Comic by Scott Nickel
Ayn: What animal has the worst eating habits?
Karla: The pig?
Ayn: Nope. The turkey, because it gobbles everything up!
Joke submitted by Ayn A., Pittsburgh, Penn.
Comic by Scott Nickel
Charles: What is a turkey’s favorite dessert?
Mary: I haven’t a clue.
Charles: Peach gobbler!
Joke submitted by Charles S., Gilbert, Ariz.
Comic by Scott Nickel
Cresencio: Why do turkeys eat so little?
Max: I don’t know.
Cresencio: Because they are always stuffed.
Joke submitted by Cresencio A., Norwalk, Calif.
Comic by Scott Nickel
Tom Swiftie: “May I say the prayer before Thanksgiving dinner?” Tom asked gracefully.
Joke submitted by Eric Z., Spokane,Wash.
Comic by Scott Nickel
Kyle: What part of the turkey does a drummer love the most?
Brett: I’m puzzled!
Kyle: The drumsticks.
Joke submitted by Brett B., Manhattan, Kan.
Comic by Scott Nickel
Thanksgiving Jokes and puns
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store for Thanksgiving Day, but couldn’t find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, “Do these turkeys get any bigger?”
“No, ma’am. They’re dead.”
Joke submitted by Grant W., San Diego, Calif.
Jeremy: What key has legs and can’t open doors?
Sammy: I don’t know.
Jeremy: A turkey.
Joke submitted by Jeremy B., Lynchburg, Ohio
Comic by Scott Nickel
Danny: Why did the cranberries turn red?
Jake: Beats me.
Danny: Because they saw the turkey dressing!
Joke submitted by Danny Z., Sandwich, Mass.
Comic by Scott Nickel
Billy: Why do pilgrims’ pants always fall down?
Joe: Beats me.
Billy: Because they wear their belt buckles on their hats!
Joke submitted by Billy S., Dover, Mass.
Comic by Scott Nickel
Luke: What did the turkey say to the computer?
Will: What?
Luke: “Google, google, google.”
Joke submitted by Luke C., College Station, Tex.
Josh: What do you get when you cross a turkey with a centipede?
David: Tell me.
Josh: Drumsticks for everyone on Thanksgiving Day!
Joke submitted by David B., Quaker Hill, Conn.
Comic by Daryll Collins
Comic by Scott Nickel
A man buys a parrot, only to have it constantly insult him. He tries everything to make the parrot stop, but nothing works. Frustrated, the man puts the parrot in the freezer. After a few minutes the insults stop. The man thinks he might have killed the parrot, so he opens the freezer and takes the parrot out. The parrot is shivering. It stammers, “S-s-sorry for being r-r-rude. Please f-f-forgive me.” Then, after a moment, the parrot softly asks, “W-w-what exactly d-d-did the turkey do?”
Joke submitted by Ted M., Sayreville, N.J.
Comic by Scott Nickel
Pedro: What did the turkey say to the turkey hunter on Thanksgiving Day?
Ordep: What?
Pedro: “Quack! Quack!”
Joke submitted by Svenju B., Shawnee, Okla.
Caleb: What key has legs and can’t open doors?
Caitlyn: What?
Caleb: A turkey.
Joke submitted by Caleb M.
Comic by Bill Thomas
Alex: Why did the farmer have to separate the chicken and the turkey?
Adam: Why?
Alex: He sensed fowl play.
Joke submitted by Alex W., Sterling Heights, Mich.
Robert: Which bird is best at bowling?
Chrystal: I don’t know.
Robert: A turkey.
Joke submitted by Nathaniel C., Manhattan, Kan.
Comic by Scott Nickel
Thanksgiving Jokes and puns
Leighton: What sound does a limping turkey make?
Zach: I give up!
Leighton: “Wobble, wobble!”
Joke submitted by Zach C., Roanoke, Tex.
Chas: What kind of music did the Pilgrims listen to at the first Thanksgiving feast?
Tom: What kind?
Chas: Plymouth Rock!
Joke submitted by Chas K., Appleton, Wis.
Comic by Scott Nickel
Sister: Mom wants your to help us fix Thanksgiving Day dinner.
Brother: Why? Is it broken?
Joke submitted by Stephanie R., Chittenango, N.Y.
Pat: What’s the difference between a pirate and a cranberry farmer?
Jerry: I don’t know. What?
Pat: A pirate buries his treasure, but a cranberry farmer treasures his berries.
Joke submitted by Patricia J., Warrens, Wis.
Comic by Jon Carter
Pedro: I was going to serve sweet potatoes with Thanksgiving dinner, but I sat on them.
Westy: What are you serving now?
Pedro: Squash.
Joke submitted by Pedro the Mailburro
Justin: Which November holiday is Dracula’s favorite?
Jay: Which one?
Justin: Fangs-giving!
Joke submitted by Justin T., Los Angeles, Calif.
Comic by Scott Nickel
Pedro: If pilgrims were alive today, what would they be known for?
Pee Wee: I have no idea.
Pedro: Their age!
Joke submitted by Pedro the Mailburro
Kevin: What do you call a turkey on the day after Thanksgiving?
Jake: I don’t know. What?
Kevin: Lucky.
Joke submitted by Austin H., Schnecksville, Penn.
Comic by Scott Nickel
Pee Wee: Can a turkey jump higher than the Empire State Building?
Pedro: Yes, of course! A building can’t jump at all.
Joke submitted by Pedro the Mailburro
Funny Thanksgiving Jokes for kids and adults
That Will Be a Hit at the Kids’ Table on Turkey Day
Think you’ve heard all the best Thanksgiving puns and one-liners? You ain’t seen stuffing yet.
As great as the best Thanksgiving traditions can be at your relatives’ house, we’re just going to come right out and say it—all that togetherness in such close quarters can sometimes get to your head faster than Uncle Tim’s signature Thanksgiving cocktail.
And even if your Thanksgiving celebration this year is smaller and more socially distanced than normal, all that family time and food prep can still be a major source of holiday-induced stress. To help relieve some of that tension, we’ve compiled the best Thanksgiving jokes to lighten the mood at your dinner table.
From puns to one-liners fit for Thanksgiving memes, there’s no shortage of Turkey Day-related witticisms that are just too plucking good not to love. Your nearest and dearest will raise their gobble-lets to any of these festive quips related to eating, pilgrims, and the true star of the show—turkey. Don’t worry—each one is PG enough to toss around the kids’ table. This year, give thanks for the best Thanksgiving jokes out there, which will inevitably make every turkey-stuffed mouth curl into a smile. Because there’s no harm in poking a little bit of fun while everyone pokes at their food.
Turkey Thanksgiving Jokes
- “What did the turkey say to the turkey hunter on Thanksgiving Day?” “Quack, Quack!”
- “Why did the farmer have to separate the chicken and the turkey?” “He sensed fowl play.”
- “What key has legs and can’t open a door?” “A turkey.”
- “Why did they let the turkey join the band?” “Because he had his own drumsticks.”
- “What happened to the turkey that got in a fight?” “He got the stuffing knocked out of him!”
- “Why shouldn’t you sit next to a turkey at dinner?” “Because he will gobble it up.”
thanksgiving jokes and riddles
- “If you call a big turkey a gobbler, what do you call a small one?” “A goblet.”
- “What do you call a running turkey?” “Fast food.”
- “What’s blue and covered in feathers?” “A turkey holding its breath.”
- “What’s the best song to play while cooking a turkey?” “All about that baste.”
- “Why did the turkey cross the road?” “He wanted people to think he was a chicken.”
- “Why was the turkey put in jail?” “The police suspected fowl play.”
- “How come the turkey didn’t eat dinner?” “He was already stuffed.”
- “What did the turkey say to the computer?” “Google, google.”
- “What do you get if you cross a turkey with a ghost?” “A poultry-geist.”
- “What kind of weather does a turkey like?” “Fowl weather.”
Thanksgiving Food Jokes
- “What side dish do you bring for Thanksgiving dinner when you accidentally sat on the sweet potatoes?” “Squash casserole.”
- “What role do green beans play in Thanksgiving dinner?” “The casse-role.”
- “What’s Frankenstein’s favorite Thanksgiving dish?” “Monster mash potatoes and grave-y.”
- “What’s a turkey’s favorite dessert?” “Peach gobbler!”
- “Why was the Thanksgiving soup so expensive?” “It had 24 carrots.”
- “What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children?” “If your father could see you now, he’d turn over in his gravy!”
- “Why did the cranberries turn red?” “Because they saw the turkey dressing.”
- “My grandma made mashed potatoes from a box. That’s it. That’s the joke.”
Thanksgiving Jokes for Kids
- “What do you wear to Thanksgiving dinner?” “A har-vest.”
- “Why didn’t the cook season the Thanksgiving turkey?” “There was no thyme!”
- “What’s a turkey’s favorite Thanksgiving food?” “Nothing—it’s already stuffed.”
- “Which holiday is Dracula’s favorite?” “Fangs-giving.”
- “What’s the best dance to do on Thanksgiving?” “The turkey trot.”
- “What instrument does a turkey play?” “The drumsticks!”
- “What kind of key can’t open doors?” “A tur-key.”
- “What kind of noise does a limping turkey make?” “Wobble, wobble.”
Pilgrim Thanksgiving Jokes
- “What kind of music did the pilgrims listen to?” “Plymouth Rock.”
- “If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?” “Pilgrims.”
- “Why didn’t the pilgrim want to make the bread?” “It’s a crummy job.”
- “What do you a call the age of a pilgrim?” “Pilgrimage.”
- “Why do pilgrims’ pants always fall down?” “Because they wear their buckles on their hats!”
Thanksgiving Knock-Knock Jokes
- “Knock knock!” “Who’s there?” “Norma Lee.” “Norma Lee who?” “Norma Lee I don’t drink eat this much!”
- “Knock knock!” “Who’s there?” “Tamara.” “Tamara who?” “Tamara we’ll eat all the leftovers!”
- “Knock knock!” “Who’s there?” “Annie.” “Annie who?” “Annie body seen the turkey?”
- “Knock knock!” “Who’s there?” “Arthur.” “Arthur who?” “Arthur any leftovers?”
- “Knock knock!” “Who’s there?” “Don.” “Don who?” “Don eat all the gravy, I want some more.”
Thanksgiving Puns | thanksgiving jokes and riddles
- “I’m all about that baste.”
- “Stop, drop, and pass the rolls!”
- “My family told me to stop telling Thanksgiving jokes, but I said I couldn’t quit cold turkey.”
- “I only have pies for you.”
- “Hey I just met you, and this is gravy, but here’s my stuffing, so carve me maybe.”
- “Let’s get basted.”
- “Gobble ’til you wobble.”
- “Oh my gourd, I ate too much.”
Thanksgiving jokes
Pass the Turkey and Gravy, and Get Ready to Gobble up the 50 Best Thanksgiving Jokes!
We all know fall for its usual staples: sweaters, warm drinks, outdoorsy fun like apple-picking, and the start of the holiday season. After Halloween comes and ghouls, next up is Thanksgiving. And while the focus on gratitude and family is heartwarming and paramount, there is plenty to make light of as well. That’s where we come in with the 50 best Thanksgiving jokes for kids to share around the table!
When all you want to do is (butternut) squash the talk of politics (can you tell some of these are going to be in the realm of Thanksgiving dad jokes?!), or avoid potentially polarizing conversations around the coronavirus, it’s the perfect time to serve up some laughs along with the infamous side dishes that are passed throughout the fam during the meal.
Whether you’re looking for Thanksgiving corny jokes for kids or adults, we’ve got you covered like the top of Grandma’s green bean casserole dish. Corniness will definitely be provided, and we’re not even talking about the coveted cornbread! So, let loose your waistband and prepare to be stuffed—not only with food and thanks, but with humor.
We’ve brought out all the (gob)bells and whistles—enjoy these 50 funny Thanksgiving jokes!
Best Thanksgiving Jokes and riddles
1. What did Dad say when he was asked to say grace? “Grace.”
2. What kind of ‘tude is appropriate at the family dinner? Gratitude.
3. Why did Mom’s turkey seasoning taste a little off last year? She ran out of thyme.
4. What’s the official dance of Thanksgiving called? The turkey trot.
5. What did the Pilgrim wear to dinner? A (har)vest.
6. What song should you listen to on Thanksgiving? “All About That Baste.”
7. What’s one thing that you’ll have in common with a teddy bear on Thanksgiving? You’ll both be filled with stuffing.
8. How can you unlock the greatest Thanksgiving experience ever? By making sure to bring the tur-key.
9. With Coronavirus being a possible concern this year, what’s likely to be the most popular side dish? Masked potatoes.
10. What was the turkey suspected of? Fowl play.
11. What’s something usually insulting, but not on Thanksgiving? A family member giving you the bird.
12. How did the salt and pepper welcome all the guests? By saying, “Seasoning’s greetings!”
13. What’s a potato’s favorite game to play? MASH.
thanksgiving jokes one liners
14. What makes every Thanksgiving meal extra-basic? Pumpkin spice.
15. Why were the beans accused of being jealous of the other side dishes? They were so green.
16. What’s a running turkey called? Fast food.
17. Who should you invite to your Friendsgiving? Your close group of Palgrims.
18. Why did the turkey bring a microphone to dinner? He was ready for a roast.
19. On Thanksgiving, what does Dad have in common with an exhausted baseball player? They’re both likely to fall asleep between plates.
20. What’s a turkey’s favorite dessert? Apple gobbler.
21. What Thanksgiving treat is the most popular at the kids’ table? Crayon-berry sauce.
22. If Pilgrims were still alive, what would they be known for? Their age.
23. What sound does a turkey’s phone make? “Wing, wing.”
thanksgiving jokes one liners
24. What happens when cranberries get sad? They turn into blueberries.
25. Why was the soup at Thanksgiving so pricey? It had 24 carrots.
26. What always comes at the end of Thanksgiving? The G.
27. Why did the turkey refuse dessert? He was already stuffed.
28. The day after the holiday, what did the fridge say when it was asked, “Is everything alright over here?” “No, everything is all leftover here!”
29. What makes Thanksgiving go as smoothly as possible? When everyone has been given a designated (casse)role.
30. Why was the turkey asked to join a band? He could bring his own drumsticks.
31. What would Michael Scott say while passing a plate of vegetables? “Boom! Roasted.”
32. If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims.
33. Why did the turkey cross the road twice? To prove he wasn’t a chicken.
34. What did the sweet potato say when it was asked if it was hungry? “Yes, I yam.”
35. If Pilgrims traveled on the Mayflower, what do college students travel on? Scholar ships.
36. What can you call your brother who falls asleep after dinner? Your napkin.
37. What smells the best at the Thanksgiving meal? Your nose.
38. What would a turkey be called if it turned into a ghost? Poultrygeist.
39. What does your uncle say when he’s had too much to drink? “I’ve got my beer gobbles on!”
40. Why are Pilgrims’ pants always falling down? Their belt buckles are on their hats and shoes instead.
41. What did the salad say to the butter who kept making jokes? You’re on a roll.
42. What is something that describes both political talk and filling up your plate of food? Choosing sides.
43. When are turkeys the most grateful? The day after Thanksgiving.
44. What don’t you want to wear to Thanksgiving dinner? A white shirt or high-waisted pants.
45. How can you incorporate some hip-hop into your family’s gathering? Bring some Salt-N-Pepa.
thanksgiving jokes one liners : Parade Daily
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46. What do you call the age of a Pilgrim? A pilgrimage.
47. What did the turkey say when he had a headache? “Google, Google.”
48. What’s the forecast for Thanksgiving, regardless of what the meteorologist says? Sweater weather.
49. What did the aunt say to her sulking son on Thanksgiving? “You’re looking a little (Pil)grim.”
50. What should you say when your family begs you to stop making these jokes? “I can’t quit cold turkey!”
Dirty Thanksgiving Jokes for adults
Make your celebrations a little more risque with these dirty Thanksgiving jokes for adults!
They’re definitely suitable for adults only, so as long as you’re old enough – enjoy them, and happy Thanksgiving!
Thanksgiving Jokes For Adults
One Thanksgiving, a man walks into his house with a turkey under his arm.
He walks up to his wife with it and says, “This is the pig I’ve been having sex with.”
His wife says, “That’s a turkey.”
The man replies, “I wasn’t talking to you.”
A man goes to his girlfriend’s parent’s house for Thanksgiving.
He’s really nervous as this is his first time meeting her family and he’s not sure what to expect. In fact, he’s so nervous that it’s giving him gas.
While they’re sitting there watching TV in the family room it isn’t so bad because the the football game is on and it’s kind of loud. Also, the parent’s big old dog Harold is licking his balls and everyone can hear that. So he can sit there and fart into the couch without anyone hearing a thing.
But then everybody gets called into the dining room and he still has really bad gas, though he relaxes a little when the dog moves under the table to continue licking his balls.
After a while he just can’t hold it in anymore and to his horror the fart comes out with enough force to rattle the silverware. Nobody says anything for a moment before the mom yells, “HAROLD! Get out of there.”
The dog slowly comes out from under the table and goes back to the living room.
The guy is amazed as everybody goes back to eating and talking, they think the dog did it.
A little while later he feels another fart coming, bigger than the first. He looks around and realizes the dog is back under the table licking its balls again. So he relaxes and lets the gas go. This one shakes the table so hard some of the silverware falls off.
Everyone is quiet. Then, the mom again yells, “HAROLD, get out of there!”
The dog obediently goes back to the living room. 20 minutes pass and they are about to start on dessert when he feels the mother of all farts trying to punch its way through his colon. He’s really stressed but a quick glance confirms the dog is back under the table!
Dirty Thanksgiving Jokes for adults
Feeling confident he just lets it free. It shakes the silverware. It shakes the table. It shakes the windows. And suddenly everything is quiet. Until the mom yells, “DAMMIT, HAROLD. Get out from under that table right now before he poops on you!”
Bob and Martha have been married for 15 years.
Each and every morning of those 15 years, Bob has woken up, farted loudly and proudly, rolled over onto his back and got out of bed to go to work.
And each and every morning for those 15 years, Martha has said to him disgustedly, “One of these days, you’re gonna fart your guts out!” But this has had no effect on Bob as he has continued merrily with his routine each morning.
Martha is totally fed up with this and then one Thanksgiving morning when she got up early to get things ready, she got an idea while preparing the turkey.
Before Bob got up, she crept upstairs and placed the turkey innards in his pajama bottoms, giggling to herself as she did so.
A little later that morning, Bob woke up and went through his usual morning ritual with glee. Martha heard a scream as Bob jumped out of bed and ran into the bathroom.
She laughed to herself, but when Bob didn’t reappear from the bathroom for a long time she started to get concerned.
So she ran upstairs, and was just about to knock on the bathroom door, when Bob opened it and came out, pale as a ghost.
He said, “You were right, honey, you were right. I did fart my guts out, but by the grace of God and these two fingers I got them back up there again.”
What do rednecks do for Thanksgiving?
Pump kin.
A boy is invited to Thanksgiving dinner at his girlfriend’s parent’s house so that they can meet him.
They’ve been together a while but haven’t had sex yet.
His girlfriend tells him that after he meets her parents they can “get intimate”. So in preparation, he decides to get some condoms at the local drugstore.
As this will be his first time, he doesn’t know anything about condoms and so he asks the pharmacist what he should buy.
The pharmacist explains all about the differences between the brands and after a long chat the boy decides on a large box of “ribbed for her pleasure”.
The time comes for the Thanksgiving dinner and the young couple are seated at the dinner table with the girl’s parents.
The girl is surprised to see the boy has his head bowed down apparently deep in prayer.
She whispers to him, “I didn’t know you were so religious!”
He whispers back, “I didn’t know your father was a pharmacist.”
A couple were driving home from Thanksgiving dinner at their friend’s house when they hit a skunk. The wife jumped out of the car and was relieved to find the skunk wounded but alive.
She picked it up and took it back to the car saying to her husband, “We need to take it to a vet. It’s shivering; it must be cold, what should I do?”
Her husband replied, “Put it between your legs to keep it warm.”
“But it stinks!” she said.
“So hold its nose!”
This woman was lonely as Thanksgiving was approaching. She didn’t want to celebrate alone and fancied a bit of adventure, so she posted an ad in the local newspaper that read: “Looking for man to share Thanksgiving with these qualifications: Won’t beat me up, won’t run away from me, is great in bed.”
She got lots of phone calls replying to her ad but none of the men who called took her fancy.
Then one day her doorbell rang. When she opened the door, there was a man there with no arms and no legs.
He said, “Hi, I’m Bob. I have no arms so I won’t beat you up and no legs so I won’t run away.”
So the woman asked, “What makes you think you’re great in bed?”
Bob replied, “I rang the door bell, didn’t I?”
What does a stripper eat for Thanksgiving dinner?
Twerky.
Wives are like Thanksgiving turkeys …
They eventually get fat and then stop gobbling.